God uses imperfect vessels

We all go through tough times—those Red Sea moments, if you will when you feel stuck between a rock and hard place and it seems as though nothing will change.

I felt the Spirit leading me share briefly with a few others about the difficult time my marriage went through a few years ago. The thing I always come back to when I think of that time, is that despite the pain of that season, I wouldn't trade it now. What God worked in my own heart (much less my husband's or our marriage) is now more precious to me than gold. I know in a much more intimate and solid way that He is my rock. He is solid ground for me no matter what I face.

Today, because I obeyed in speaking of what I have been embarrassed and even ashamed of—my own brokenness—God used what I spoke of to minister to another soul who is facing a breaking marriage. What I had spoken of gave her hope, gave her courage to ask questions, hopefully helped her shake the shame and embarrassment she was feeling. I pray for the restoration of this marriage—I told her God is able to do the impossible. I've seen it; I've lived it.

I guess the point that hit me today is how we all try to hide our brokenness, whatever the situation may be. I felt shame and embarrassment during that time. Like I had let, was letting, the Lord down. I was tarnishing His good name.

While there are times that our actions can certainly do that, more and more what I am seeing is that it is in our very brokenness, when we have nothing to hold onto anymore—that is where God loves to shine. And He heals our brokenness and He calls us to share it with one another. It is not my "together" life that is going to help another hurting person. It's me being real and letting God shine through all the warts, pain, sorrow, and sin. Because then, He truly gets all the glory.

He loves to use imperfect vessels. I pray you choose to let Him use you.

Blessings.

Life goes on...

Last night we were talking with our almost 18-year-old daughter. She expressed so well what we are all feeling as we mourn with the family who just lost their daughter. She noted how it's good to have a busy day today to take her mind off of the grief she is feeling for this family. At the same time, how incredibly callous it feels that life goes on.

I have felt the same way. Both in this difficult circumstance as well as when my mom lost her husband a few years back. I felt that it was cruel for the sun to rise and set as normal; for children to play; for the mail to be delivered. At the same time, it is those very normal activities that draw the grieving back into life. I stand in awe of our God who is so wise to work things out this way.

And so, life does go on...for our loving Father is the giver of all life and He does it in big and small ways. So today, I thank Him for sustaining the mourning family, granting them strength for the moment. And I thank Him for the daily rhythm that will gradually call each hurting heart back into life. I continue to pray for a healthy grieving process for them, in whatever time and way they need.

Blessings.

Good book...

I borrowed a book from my boss at work called Family Driven Faith: Doing What It Takes to Raise Sons and Daughters Who Walk with God by Voddie T. Baucham Jr. (Hardcover - Jun 7, 2007). This is an excellent book outlining the dire need our children have to be trained up in the ways of the Lord, just as we were instructed in Deuteronomy 6.

As the author points out, parents today have the tendency to turn our children over the "experts" be they the local school, private coaches, or youth ministries. Why do we parents think that someone else is supposed to do the hard work in teaching and training our children?

As I look back on the years when my kids were young, there were some things we did right: we read in the Word daily and tried to incorporate it into our lives. But as the kids got older and busier, I see how I dropped the ball and did not pursue time with each of them in the Word or even necessarily discussing what we individually were reading. Not sure when and how we got off course in that, but we did.

I am grateful that all three kids truly love the Lord and yet even now I want to come along side and share with them what the Lord is teaching me and what He is teaching them. I guess the thing is that we let the busyness of life crowd out the important things in life.

Anyway, if you want a good, convicting read to encourage you to invest in building and nurturing godly children and relationships, take a look at this book.

Blessings,

Today's musings

Just a few musings today to try to stay (get back) into blogging mode. :)

My youngest daughter finished her Mock Trial season last week, much to her dismay and my relief. :) Of course now she is trying out for the spring play tomorrow. :P

Dear son has a young lady in his life which is very fun to watch and pray over, even if it is long distance.

Oldest daughter moved dorm rooms to a place much more peaceful since she had a suite mate who made life REALLY uncomfortable.

I am busy with work, writing, life.

Dear husband blessed me wonderfully on Valentine's day. Flowers delivered at work was a great surprise and gave me the opportunity to reemphasize to some young ladies there that men can still be romantic even after almost 23 years of marriage. I am grateful that my husband has been relearning his romantic side—one of the things that made me fall for him in the first place. :)

I'll post more wonderful thoughts when I have more time to think! :P

Blessings,

Good reading

I have recently started reading a book I received for Christmas, "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" by Joanna Weaver. I had wanted to read the book simply based on its title. If ever there was a Martha personality, it is me!

Martha exemplifies what we women seem to expect of ourselves: manage a household well, raise exemplary children, cook fantastic, healthy meals, be involved in some sort of service either in church or volunteering, hold down a job or be actively pursuing your own creative goals. And we wonder why we are weary all the time. As you can see from previous posts, it is a constant battle for me to try not be all things to all people.

We wear ourselves out with frantic going and doing. But Jesus calls us to Him to sit, rest, be refreshed and strengthened. Today as I was rereading Matthew 11:28-30 the Lord again was calling me to be still. He is calling ot all who are weary, who have worked to exhaustion. His yoke is easy—it is a place of rest, recreation, fulfillment.

I am memorizing that Scripture and spending time contemplating the fulness of what Jesus calls me to be—not to do. He calls me to be at rest. What yoke are you walking under?

Blessings

Lessons from my golden

There is nothing so humbling as being taught life lessons by a two year old when you are 45! Yesterday as I was walking my golden retriever I was considering his take on life and how many things he has down pat that I have yet to learn.

He knows how to take each day as it comes: sun or rain, walk or no walk, play time, nap time. He just lives in the moment and enjoys it fully. He doesn't stress about yesterday, later today, or tomorrow. Whatever he does, he does it wholeheartedly.

He is always ready to play. Me, no, not really. I mean these things have to be planned, don't they? That's why we have calendars and planners and blackberries and phones and .... So yes, I need to learn to be spontaneous in my play. I also just need to learn to play more and that is one of my goals for this year. Doing things I love simply because I enjoy them: they don't have to fill a need, be good, satisfy anyone else. So I plan (there's that word again! :P) on reading more, writing more, painting more, pursuing things I just love. And so far I have begun to do that.

My golden knows how to relax. Stretched out fully on his back with his feet flopping up in the air, or perhaps snuggled in a tight ball of golden fur, heavy sighs of contentment rumbling from deep in his chest. My dog can sleep for all he's worth.

He also knows how to take limitations and turn them into a game since he finds joy in everything in his life. For example: though the leash he is attached to means I am technically leading him, he will take the leash in his mouth and prance out in front saying in effect, "this doesn't control me, I am leading the way!"

I need to see the limitations I experience, mainly with my back, with the same happy heart. I can choose to say, "This doesn't have to control me, I will get a grip on it and lead the way." Instead way too many times, I get frustrated and feel constrained. I need to learn to grab that condition and just recognize it is only a state of mind that keeps me down, not the actual physical circumstance.

So, hopefully I can learn to live in the moment, play more freely, relax totally, and overcome limitations with the right attitude!

Blessings!

What a duty

Tuesday, January 8th, I had to report at 8:30 a.m. downtown for jury duty. While a friend had told me Sunday that a particular trial was starting, I didn't give it another thought until sitting in the jury duty room waiting for my number to be called (hoping it wouldn't be).

When I received my summons back in December, I thought about using the business reason to be excused since work has been really hectic. Then, as I prayed, the Lord reminded me that all of my days are held in His hand, crafted into His perfect plan. If I believe that, then this was in His will for me. So I decided to answer the summons. I figured that I would go sit for the morning and then be dismissed like my husband had been back in November when he was called. And I actually think it an honor to serve. While our justice system has many flaws, it is still the best in the world. So not wanting to serve was based more on the timing this particular week.

I should have known something was up when there was standing room only and we were told this was the largest jury pool ever called in our county's history. We were told there were 8 judges beginning trials that morning. One set of jurors was called, then another, then another—the largest one yet. Maybe I wouldn't have to serve. Then they began calling numbers for another pool. And calling, and calling, and calling. The longer the line of potential jurors got, the more persuaded everyone in the room was about which trial this was for. My name was called and I went toward the back of the line. By the time they finished calling names, there were over 70 people all standing in line to be taken up for questioning as potential jurors on a notorious case.

This case was the most serious our county has faced in many years. This was the case of the man who shot and killed one of our police officers in 2006. This was the first death on our police force in 20 years. Our whole city grieved deeply. And here I was in the jury pool.

When they took us up to the court room and they then sat us according to a seating chart—my seat was front row. After I took my seat, I looked around the courtroom curiously and then my heart began pounding fiercely as the gravity of the situation was brought home to me as I recognized the defendant from pictures I'd seen in the paper.

The most frightening thing wasn't that he was sitting just across the room from me, but when I looked in the defendant's eyes, they were totally dark. I have never seen any eyes so leaden, flat and void of feeling. Here was a man who has given himself totally over to evil. My soul shuddered and I began praying for him. Even he is not beyond God's reach.

The judge gave us instructions and we filled out more questionnaires and then were told to return after lunch. On the questionnaire I had to list what I remembered or had heard and what I thought of the defendant. When we returned, numerous jurors were called for various times over the remainder of the afternoon and the following morning. All called had to report for individual questioning in chambers with the judge, his staff, both sets of lawyers and the defendant. My turn was the following morning at 8:30.

After a fairly restless night, feeling somewhat anxious and burdened by this possibility of the trial, I returned to the courtroom. When my name was called, the clerk escorted me to the chambers where I faced the gauntlet of questions. First the judge—did I believe I could be objective even though I remembered the facts of the case fairly well? I told him I would abide by the rules if selected. The prosecution asked about the details I remembered from the case.

Then came the questioning from the defense. The lawyer attacked me like a ferocious guard dog asking me several times if I could be objective since I thought the defendant was guilty. And every time I replied that while I thought he was guilty, I would abide by the rules if selected. I was dismissed from the room while they discussed me and then I was told to return that afternoon for more questioning.

After spending the morning working at a nearby coffee shop, and eating lunch with my husband who was having his own struggles with the possibility of my serving on this jury (due to my very sensitive nature feeling for those who are hurt), I returned to the court.

After the emotional roller coaster that morning, the afternoon was a let-down. After the individual questioning, we were down to a jury pool of about 55 and they would not being general jury questioning with less than 75 in the pool. So we were dismissed and told to return again the following afternoon. In the meantime, more jurors would be called up to go through the same steps we had in order to fill the pool.

After another restless night and a morning of trying to get some work done, I reported again for duty. This time my assigned seat was front and center, directly behind the prosecution, right in front of the bar. This part of the process was incredibly interesting as each side questioned and had discussions with the entire pool, basically laying out what the charges the prosecution would be trying to prove—first degree murder—and the defense—self-defense—that the other side was claiming.

The uncomfortable part came when I was pinned by the defense again when the lawyer kept going over the presumed innocent part of the law and asking if anyone had a problem with that in this case. I finally had to speak up. From what I had read when the crime had happened, I knew the man was guilty. Even the defense was saying he had killed the police officer. While the defense wanted me dismissed immediately, the judge would not allow any dismissals until they had completed the questioning. We were dismissed for the evening and told once again to return the following morning.

By that evening I was absolutely exhausted. I couldn't believe how tired I was physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I crawled into bed by 8:30 and tossed and turned my way through one more night.

Friday morning, I reported. The defense continued their questioning and a couple more people finally said they thought they could not be objective either as they thought the defendant guilty as well. After a couple of hours of this, they finally began dismissing jurors to whittle down to the needed number. I was the second person dismissed.

During this time, several other potential jurors had come up to me during breaks to tell me what courage I had to speak up to the defense lawyer the way I did . Honestly, I rarely speak up in situations like that. I would rather stay silent and pray and let someone else take the heat. That day the Lord required me to speak. And several people told me they had courage to speak up because I had. God can and does use all things.

I have followed the trial closely and will continue to do so until it is settled. I feel a deep responsibility to pray over every part of the proceedings and over each person in the courtroom. I pray that the prosecution lays their case out clearly and fully. I pray that the judge rules wisely on every point of law. I pray for the defense lawyers, the clerks, and the recorder. I pray for the defendant–God's arm is not too short to save this man even while he faces the justice he deserves. I pray for the jurors: that they will see the truth , that they will rule justly, that they will abide by the rules of law, that they will have the strength they need for the emotions they are going through. I pray for order in every aspect of the court and that justice and truth to prevail.

Blessings,

Grieving

Grieving tonight, so heavy hearted. The shootings here in Colorado over the last 18 hours deeply, deeply sadden me. Two dead, two wounded at the YWAM offices in Arvada. One dead, four injured at New Life church here in Colorado Springs, plus the shooter.

My heart weeps...there is nothing else to say. I pray that the wounded recover and that no other lives are lost. I pray for the Lord to move mightily in the midst of the shock, pain, and grief to bring life out of such tragedies.

And I mourn, crying out to the Lord, what times we live in. The evil only gets more crass, more bold. More innocent people hurt or killed.

And yet I know above the maddening roar of heinous acts, I know who is still seated on the throne. He still reigns, yes, even in these days, in these times. And He alone will win this battle between good and evil. He is the victorious one.

Please pray for all those so deeply affected by today's events.

And hug those dear to you and tell them you love them.

A mother's musings

This has been an interesting Thanksgiving. One that is a sort of turning point.

Our daughter was home from school for a few days. So wonderful to have her here all day, all night for the last few days. When I rise early to let the dog out and close her door, I see her asleep in her room and my heart breathes a little more freely to see her sleeping here.

And yet I have a deep longing because this was the first Thanksgiving we have not seen our son—our first holiday without him. I deeply miss him. This is the longest we have gone without seeing him and while we are "used" to it, and while the future probably looks more like this time apart, I can't say that I like it.

There is something deep within a mother's heart, probably any parent's heart, that feels somewhat incomplete when a child is away from home. Even though I know that they are meant to grow up and have their own lives, indeed that's what I want for them, still, there is a hole in my heart that is only filled with that one so dear to me. I wonder if my mother still feels the same, that it is only when we are all together that a mother's heart feels whole again.

So while we miss our son, life goes on. We still have Thanksgiving with family, we still start Christmas shopping, we still put up our Christmas tree. But all without him. And so the days are not quite as bright and carefree.

I am so thankful our daughter is going to school closer to home. She is not only a daughter to me, but also a friend, a treasure. The laughter and smiles of our two girls carry me through this first time.

I wonder if they will get any easier as each one flies off to his or her own life? Somehow I don't think it will.

Fall musings

During the fall months, when the air is crisp and clean, when whiffs of smoke drift in the evening breeze, I feel renewed. The sky is painted blue, so clear, and the mountains stand, white-capped as sentinels against storms that will soon come knocking.

There is something magical about watching the leaves turn the multitude of colors from yellow to orange to crimson before they dance free to float and whirl upon the wind. I love walking this time of year, hearing the wind move the leaves in a a final shudder before release. Different trees combining in a rustling symphony—the deep rattle of red-stained oak leaves above the gurgling whisper of golden aspen leaves.

There is a gathering together, as evening comes quickly and we snuggle in our warm homes against the cool evening air. The reconnecting that happens in a family as early autumn sunsets close in forcing us to reunite again ... to slow life as our world centers inside instead of out.

There is something deeply satisfying, comforting, about eating a warm meal in a home awash with light against the cold darkness. As snowy winds swirl and knock against our windows, we cuddle under thick blankets of contentment.

Such a life the Lord has brought us, such an incredibly diverse, rich, satisfying life. The little things like beautiful multi-colored leaves and the big things like a loving family, with such as these will I be content and bless my Lord.

Blessings.

These crazy, busy days

These days are amazing. Everyone I speak with—family, friends, coworkers—each says the same thing. "Life has been so busy." or "I just can't seem to stop, too much to do all the time." or "This hectic going is wearing me out."

And I have found myself uttering the same phrase. So tired, so busy, so hectic, too much to do, too little time, stress, stress, stress. And we all seem to find ourselves running hither and yon, doing the "must do"s and many of the "feel like we should"s, and very few of the "want to"s–those things that refresh us.

Sometimes life feels like it is a vast production line and we are simply the cogs clanging through our day only to slam back into place as the alarm sounds the next morning and we begin all over again.

A friend I was talking with last night said something that caused to me stop and think: Everything seems to be escalating.

To escalate is to increase in extent, volume, number, amount, intensity, or scope.

Wow. I think my friend nailed it on the head because everyone seems to be feeling this. Interesting thing is that escalation is usually toward some end. It is not without purpose. What is the Lord allowing to escalate in your life and why?

Sometimes it feels as though life is spinning more and more out of control. And yet, we know that the Lord is still seated on His throne and He is still accomplishing His purposes.

This morning I read in 2 Peter 3:14: "Therefore, beloved, ... be diligent to be found by Him in peace..." The Lord has a provision of peace for us to walk out these days, but we must be diligent to stay in it. To me, diligence means it will require work. I know that when I am at peace, I can hear the Lord. When I am agitated, stressed, worried, fearful, etc., my heart is so full of that other noise, I cannot hear my Lord's soft whisper to my heart.

May you be diligent to be found in peace today.
Blessings.

Do you spurt or do you plod?

Hello to all who might possibly stop by even though it has been way tooooooo long since I posted here.To say life has been busy is an understatement. The funny thing is that blogging is addicting and I really missed it even though I haven't been on.

Anyway, tonight's thought: are you a spurter or a plodder? I was considering this while I cleaned up dishes. Amazing how mundane tasks are great for thinking, praying, pondering and such. Anyway, I decided that in many areas of my life I am a spurter. I go in fits and starts, usually starting off with great enthusiasm and energy and then sputtering or quitting altogether. Hmmm... kind of like the hare in the famous fable.

However, there are other areas of my life that I plod along in faithfully. Day in, day out, no matter what I feel, think, etc. I keep going. Why the difference? That's what I am considering tonight. I think the difference lies in where I truly feel led to something, some task, someone. When there is truly devotion and conviction, then I am faithful. When I try to initiate something because I feel I have to or to please someone else, or even just because of someone else's passion, I end up falling flat at some point.

Well, this is my week to try to initiate some changes in my life again. First is with blogging faithfully at least twice a week. The second area I am starting is to begin working out regularly. I am able to pick up some unused sessions with a personal trainer and I just want to work on getting stronger in my core so my back will stay healthy.

So I am planning on being a turtle...plodding along...faithfully...week in, week out, day by day.

So are you a spurter or a plodder? And ask yourself why.

Blessings.

Pass along encouragements

I needed to share that my mom read my post about the article getting bought by Chicken Soup and called me shouting practically: "I'm so proud of you!"

That was such a tremendous treat for me. My husband was excited for me when I told him; my girls were happy; my son congratulated me. But my mom's enthusiastic response was over the top and just made me float. Guess that's because she expressed the same emotion I felt when I found out.

That's the funny, incredible thing about women who are in close relationships—be they friends, siblings, mothers and daughters—we can "get" each other's highs and lows in ways that others don't. Maybe it's because we are so emotionally and relationally connected.

And I needed to share that with others: when you get the chance to "hurrah" for someone: Shout it out! It will feel good on your end and you will inevitably make someone's day. So take the time, when opportunities arise, to bless and laugh and shout and dance with the incredible people in your life.

Blessings!!

Seasons of discontent

This is a devotional I wrote for a writing lesson. But I have been pondering this subject for a while. Why is it that we are all so quick to want the next best thing? That hottest gadget? The newest project? The high mountain top experiences of life? When in reality, God has called us here, in the valleys and plains to live for Him, giving Him all glory without all the excitement we crave.

Luke 21:34 (Amp.) “But take heed to yourselves and be on your guard, lest your hearts be overburdened and depressed (weighed down) with the giddiness and headache and nausea of self-indulgence, drunkenness, and worldly worries and cares pertaining to the business of this life…”

As I plucked another dead head off the late summer blooms of the marigolds in my garden, I paused. These happy yellow flowers that are so hardy to bloom from spring to frost had become little more than a chore to me. I no longer delighted in their beauty; I no longer cared for seeing their sunny faces in my garden.

As I went back to the task at hand, twisting the heads off while trying to keep the rest of the plant intact, I pondered how easily I am discontent with life.

In the dark cold months of late winter I eagerly pour over flower catalogs, oohing and aahing over the new varieties and the incredible colors. They bring light to the dreary, short days. And in the spring I am always anxiously awaiting that last frost date so I fill my garden with luscious flowers. I coddle the new plants as babies, watering and feeding diligently. By mid-summer I can look at my flowerbeds and enjoy the abundant beauty.

But by late August to early September, I am ready to move on; I am weary of this job. It is the season of my discontent.

Now I tend to the beds out of duty rather than devotion. Feeding has all but stopped. Weeding as well. Now I feel restless, and like the turning of the leaves, I too want to move on to something different. I want to let go of this task which was once a joy and now only a drudgery.

And as I paused in my picking off the dead blooms, the Lord spoke to me. I tire much too quickly of the things which should be beauty in my life, things He planted to be enjoyed and blessed by. Things I now only consider mundane, boring, menial, and unrewarding.

As I received the prick off conviction, I recognized my own careless response to the Lord. Everything He has called me to or brought into my life is there for a purpose. But how quick I am to abandon something because I’m bored or tired of it.

In our society we are all programmed to want the quick fix, the instant dinner, the fastest modem, the newest video game. If a computer is two years old, it’s ancient. We get impatient with a microwave dinner that takes two minutes instead of one. The frantic pace we run at now only beckons us on down the road of discontent. How will we ever learn to abide or endure?

As I returned to the care of my garden, I looked up, grateful for the perseverance and patience the Lord is teaching me, even in the midst of every day tasks. And I reached down to inhale once more the sweet aroma of one more bloom before turning to the next plant needing my care.

Lord, teach us to number our days as you do. Teach us to slow down, to wait upon you, and to take time to be quiet. Help us to have the perseverance to see something all the way through with joy and contentment instead of buying into the agitation of our world. You are still the God who calls to us, saying: “Be still and know that I am God.”

Blessings!

Changes

Well, we got our daughter safely moved in at school. After a hot, sweaty day of moving multiple loads up three flights of stairs, and lots of arranging, and helping, she was settled. Of course later that night her boyfriend came up to see her with the help of her suite mate, they rearranged her room again. Makes me wonder why we spent so much time doing it the first time! :P

Of course this was somewhat to be expected since she is my girl and I am one to move things around multiple times to figure out how I want a room to look. I am happy she made the room her own.

As far as emotions here ... I am doing remarkably well. Maybe it has to do with going through this once before ... maybe it's being busy with a new job ... maybe it's because she has called home at least once per day since Tuesday! Girls are certainly different than guys.

It's funny because we miss her, miss touching base about her day, yet we are all doing okay too. Even her younger sister, the poetic drama queen, said I haven't felt like crying because the heavens have been doing it for me. (It's been raining a bunch!)

Actually this time and season is such a mixture of emotions; grief because we miss our kids, knowing that life will never look the same again. And as I told the youngest, just because it's different doesn't mean it's not good too.

Yet, I also feel such pride and joy seeing our daughter stepping out into the path the Lord has for her. What an exciting time for her. New classes, new friends, new places. As I told her, it's kind of like a big, long camp. With homework!

My job is going well, still learning the ropes. It's different because while I have worked as a freelance editor for a few years, I have done only what's requested per my instructions. Now I am the one giving the directions! I have the final say-so on all the products coming across my desk. And while I like having the power to change things that need changing, it is also somewhat intimidating. Daily as I am heading to work, I am asking the Lord to anoint what I am doing, that I would be a tool used by Him for His glory alone.

Well, enough rambling for tonight.

Blessings

Updates from busy life

Interesting time at our house. So busy with the comings and goings that it seems we barely have time to catch our breath. And I wonder why I am trying to blog in the midst of this and I will come across someone who asks about it and mentions that they read it and are encouraged. So I will continue on.

In the last couple of weeks our son returned to Oklahoma. Last week our youngest started her sophomore year of high school, I started a new job, and older daughter finished working for the summer. This is our next transition. Our lovely daughter moves on campus on Tuesday.

I think I am still in denial. All the shopping is mostly done. The packing is pretty well finished. I am very excited for her and eager to hear all the wonderful things the Lord will do this year in her and through her. And I am not thinking about kissing her goodnight tonight or tomorrow night because I think I will lose it. As a matter of fact, I know I will. Kissing our kids goodnight has been such a ritual since they were babies.

Her dad always run through the familiar sleep tight, sweet dreams, see you in the morning, don't let the bed bugs bite, I love you, goodnight. Who loves you most? Jesus. And who else loves you? You do. Who is my precious little lady? I am.

My routine is from a book that we recite in unison: I love you forever, I like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.

And tomorrow night will be the last time I will say that to her on a nightly basis.

I went through this transition with my son and I find it no easier with the second child. When they return home from school, we may still say our goodnights, but the routine, the sweetness of daily familiarity is broken, never to be the same.

And so, I am dreading the goodnights. The days will be busy, full of school, work, activities. It is the bedtime when I miss my kids the most. I guess that is pretty normal for most moms. And somewhere down the road, it becomes "normal" to not have them around to say goodnight to. Sad, but true.

So I'd appreciate prayers for our transitions over the next few days and weeks.

Blessings.

One day at a time . . .

Today as I am pondering what to blog about, I am looking over at my calendar and contemplate the next few weeks.

Next week includes a graduation luncheon for our son at the Focus Institute, my youngest daughter's orientation, and our family leaving for Yellowstone. The Friday after we return, our son leaves for Oklahoma the same day as we have a end-of-summer, new college student send-off barbecue. The following Tuesday, the 7th, youngest starts school.

Then on Saturday, my older daughter has a study-prep session at the college while I have an all day Writer's Summer Camp session. On the 14th, oldest daughter moves on campus. And in between, I am trying to write, prepare for trip, paint youngest's bedroom (hopefully!), help oldest daughter sort and pack, hit doctor's appointments, and shop for all three kids for school needs.

The reason I listed all of that is to stop for a moment and ask why I allow a calendar to dictate my days and how I feel about them. I like being busy, productive. However, when I look at the full weeks ahead, I start to get stressed. But the Lord never intended for the days (or weeks) of schedules in front of us to set our moods or our days. A song I love says, "All of my days are held in Your hand, crafted into Your perfect plan."

Yes, we need to plan, but ultimately, He is the One who is to tell us what each day should contain. Each day I am learning anew how to ask Him, "Lord what would You have for me today?" As I do that, even when the calendar is full, I relax, knowing that all I have to do or take care of is what's right before me now. The next hour, next appointment, next day, will take care of itself. I only have grace for this moment.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:4-7).

May you find rest, refreshment, and peace to walk through your days as you allow Him to show you what's to do each moment of every day.

Do You Smell?

My daughter arrived home from work, frazzled and frustrated. She is working with a young woman who is one of those prickly people who constantly send out barbs to everyone around them. Well, this day my daughter had become the unfortunate target.

The person in question started a conversation with my daughter and then began to mock her for her friendships with other coworkers, her purity, and finally her Christianity. While my daughter is well aware that there will be persecution in this world, this still took her aback. As she said, "Mom, I have never had someone spew so much hostility and venom at me for who I am." The final clincher was a childish insult hurled at my daughter: "You smell."

Well, my daughter knew she didn't smell and yet that barb found a way in under her armor. Funny how the devil can use even little things to penetrate when the full-frontal assault is failing. But God is so gracious to redeem. That night as we gathered with our church for prayer, my daughter's best friend came up behind her to give her a hug and without knowing anything of my daughter's day said to her, "You smell so sweet."

When my daughter told us what her friend had said later in the night, I just smiled. As she said, "I knew I didn't stink, and yet to hear that affirmation from someone who was unaware of my day totally disarmed it."

As we were talking, the Lord reminded me of a verse which I quickly looked up. "But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. And who is equal to such a task?" (2 Cor. 2:14-16)

After that I had to tease my daughter, that yes, she DID smell! To that coworker, it is a smell of death, to her dear friend, the fragrance of life. And she laughed with me as we agreed that our prayer for each one of us is to be "smelly!"

Tight Places

Last Saturday my husband and I went mountain bike riding at a new state park which just recently opened south of Colorado Springs. What we had seen of trails from driving past a few weeks prior looked fairly easy. There were wide paths traversing through some beautiful meadows. Okay, I can do that. Mind you, I have only been riding a bike for about one year. The only other bike I have owned was the purple banana-seated one I got as birthday gift when I turned six or seven.

So we get to the park, and take off on one of the more narrow trails heading away from the parking lot. Not any are marked with difficulty level. Yep, you can see what's coming. After about 5-10 minutes (not the hour it seemed!) we climbed out onto a narrow, at times rocky single track trail. I don't know how to ride over rocks, I am not particularly fond of riding uphill, I HATE consticted places!

But we kept riding. I struggled a lot, battling fear and feeling completely overwhelmed. Not feelings I like. As a matter of fact, usually when I feel these emotions, I panic. Not a good thing to do on a mountain bike.

Not a good thing on skis either. This is the same feeling I get when I have tried to ski down black runs (Difficult classification!) with David and the kids in the winter. I have always maintained that the moguls (big snow-covered hills on a run) are okay if they would just spread them apart. I hate feeling trapped in the gutter (the bottoms between the hills).

And yesterday as I was pondering these things it occurred to me that this is a common fear I have in many situations ranging from physical activities to financial to emotional and spiritual. God came to set us free. He never intended for me to be bound in fear.

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free" (Gal. 5:1)
The definition of the word freedom, eleutheria, here is freedom, generosity, independence. It is a distinctive blessing of grace. The exact opposite of slavery or having to follow a prescribed course. The Lord also showed me this is related to trust.

"When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You" (Ps. 56:3).
The word for trust, batach, means to attach oneself, to trust, confide in, feel safe, be confident, secure, careless. It represents the feeling of well-being from knowing the rug won't be pulled out from under you.

I still need to have both of these worked into me because no matter what the circumstance may be, no matter how tightly constrained I may feel, the Lord always has freedom for me that flows as a result of the grace I receive in trusting Him.

And by the way, I actually gained some new skills on the bike and surprisingly enjoyed most of the ride through beautiful country, taking it slow and learning along the journey.

Blessings.

Perspective

This morning I spent some time going through an old journal I wrote over the last two years. Amazing the things I have learned, the things I have been healed of, the things I am still stuggling with. I see the prayers over quitting my job to be home more for my family as I am now considering going back to work. I see things I prayed over my son as he prepared and left for college; some answered already, some still in process. I read the things I asked of the Lord for each of my girls. Some complete, some just beginning to blossom, some no hint of yet.

And through it all, I saw the Father's faithful hand, guiding, encouraging, strengthening, supporting. How good He is to us. There were many things I prayed over and over and didn't think I saw any change. But now, two years later, I can see the change.

Day in, day out life has a tendency to clutter our view. I think that the distance we can gain either from time away from a situation or from a new physical location can help us to see more clearly, to gain new perspectives. In the moment, I am usually reacting to the situation or my own emotions. With a different perspective, I can begin to disearn those things that I made wise choices in and those that I may have been overreacting to. Only a different perspective offers me that vision.

Sometimes the Lord also uses others to bring that full vision to us. As I wrote of earlier this week, time spent with family and friends helps us to pick through the messes we can find ourselves in and offer us a new outlook with renewed focus and passion.

I would encourage each one to take time to look back to see how far you've come. And how far you still have to go. Just remember the Creator is busy at work in your life, adding another color here, another line there. Using everything, the good, the difficult, to fashion a great work of art for Him to delight in.

“My life is but a weaving between my Lord and me. I cannot choose the colors, nor all the pattern see. Sometimes He chooses sorrow and I, in foolish pride, forget He sees the upper and I the underside.

Not till the loom is silent and the shuttles cease to fly, will He reveal the pattern or tell the reason why. The dark threads are as useful in a weaver's skillful hand, as the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.”
(Author unknown)

Blessings.