Saturday, November 24, 2007

A mother's musings

This has been an interesting Thanksgiving. One that is a sort of turning point.

Our daughter was home from school for a few days. So wonderful to have her here all day, all night for the last few days. When I rise early to let the dog out and close her door, I see her asleep in her room and my heart breathes a little more freely to see her sleeping here.

And yet I have a deep longing because this was the first Thanksgiving we have not seen our son—our first holiday without him. I deeply miss him. This is the longest we have gone without seeing him and while we are "used" to it, and while the future probably looks more like this time apart, I can't say that I like it.

There is something deep within a mother's heart, probably any parent's heart, that feels somewhat incomplete when a child is away from home. Even though I know that they are meant to grow up and have their own lives, indeed that's what I want for them, still, there is a hole in my heart that is only filled with that one so dear to me. I wonder if my mother still feels the same, that it is only when we are all together that a mother's heart feels whole again.

So while we miss our son, life goes on. We still have Thanksgiving with family, we still start Christmas shopping, we still put up our Christmas tree. But all without him. And so the days are not quite as bright and carefree.

I am so thankful our daughter is going to school closer to home. She is not only a daughter to me, but also a friend, a treasure. The laughter and smiles of our two girls carry me through this first time.

I wonder if they will get any easier as each one flies off to his or her own life? Somehow I don't think it will.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Fall musings

During the fall months, when the air is crisp and clean, when whiffs of smoke drift in the evening breeze, I feel renewed. The sky is painted blue, so clear, and the mountains stand, white-capped as sentinels against storms that will soon come knocking.

There is something magical about watching the leaves turn the multitude of colors from yellow to orange to crimson before they dance free to float and whirl upon the wind. I love walking this time of year, hearing the wind move the leaves in a a final shudder before release. Different trees combining in a rustling symphony—the deep rattle of red-stained oak leaves above the gurgling whisper of golden aspen leaves.

There is a gathering together, as evening comes quickly and we snuggle in our warm homes against the cool evening air. The reconnecting that happens in a family as early autumn sunsets close in forcing us to reunite again ... to slow life as our world centers inside instead of out.

There is something deeply satisfying, comforting, about eating a warm meal in a home awash with light against the cold darkness. As snowy winds swirl and knock against our windows, we cuddle under thick blankets of contentment.

Such a life the Lord has brought us, such an incredibly diverse, rich, satisfying life. The little things like beautiful multi-colored leaves and the big things like a loving family, with such as these will I be content and bless my Lord.

Blessings.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

These crazy, busy days

These days are amazing. Everyone I speak with—family, friends, coworkers—each says the same thing. "Life has been so busy." or "I just can't seem to stop, too much to do all the time." or "This hectic going is wearing me out."

And I have found myself uttering the same phrase. So tired, so busy, so hectic, too much to do, too little time, stress, stress, stress. And we all seem to find ourselves running hither and yon, doing the "must do"s and many of the "feel like we should"s, and very few of the "want to"s–those things that refresh us.

Sometimes life feels like it is a vast production line and we are simply the cogs clanging through our day only to slam back into place as the alarm sounds the next morning and we begin all over again.

A friend I was talking with last night said something that caused to me stop and think: Everything seems to be escalating.

To escalate is to increase in extent, volume, number, amount, intensity, or scope.

Wow. I think my friend nailed it on the head because everyone seems to be feeling this. Interesting thing is that escalation is usually toward some end. It is not without purpose. What is the Lord allowing to escalate in your life and why?

Sometimes it feels as though life is spinning more and more out of control. And yet, we know that the Lord is still seated on His throne and He is still accomplishing His purposes.

This morning I read i
n 2 Peter 3:14: "Therefore, beloved, ... be diligent to be found by Him in peace..." The Lord has a provision of peace for us to walk out these days, but we must be diligent to stay in it. To me, diligence means it will require work. I know that when I am at peace, I can hear the Lord. When I am agitated, stressed, worried, fearful, etc., my heart is so full of that other noise, I cannot hear my Lord's soft whisper to my heart.

May you be diligent to be found in peace today.
Blessings.