Up and downs

It's amazing to me that I can experience such lows after a time of productivity and progress. Maybe these are normal fluctuations in energy and effort. Maybe they are just my nature.

The last few weeks have been incredibly busy as far as writing goes. Yesterday I submitted my first article. I have been excited to build my blog this week and help my husband build my web page. I have interviews lined up for the book I am working on. I am signed up for a writer's conference in two weeks. I have completed Lesson 3 in the Christian Writer's Guild.

And yet today, I am feeling insecure, wondering if I know what I am doing. Or worse, questioning if this is valuable. Is it something worthwhile to be devoting so much time and energy on? I guess my problem is that I always want immediate feedback. And most of the time, it's not there. Things which have value usually require work over the long haul to see results. Take exercise for example, or a diet. When I start either one, I am gung-ho—dedicated and strongly motivated. When I don't see results after a week or two, even little ones, I want to give up. That is my lazy and unredeemed nature.

The Lord tells us that we have need of endurance and that He delights in those who will press in and not shrink back. Oh, how far I have to go in this area! And writing is the same: It is discipline and hard work, things not too many of us are fond of.

The Lord encouraged me with a verse I read today: "I am your shield, your very great reward" (Gen. 15:1 NIV).
I need to learn to receive my reward, whatever that looks like in each circumstance, from Him alone instead of looking for some sort of external result or motivation. I shouldn't always look to some external pat on the back. After all, He is my reason for writing, for pressing on in every area, for living.

May you see Him as your reward today.
Kerry

First submission

Well, I did it. I submitted my first article. It was a piece I wrote for Chicken Soup for the Empty Nester's Soul. I guess I will find out in a few weeks/months if they bought it. The piece actually flowed out so quickly. Guess that's what happens when you write freely from the heart.

That is an area in which the Lord is freeing me. I have struggled for so long to write unhindered by my own fears. Since I am a perfectionist, I fight to not be constantly editing as I write. I have also wrestled against flowing with what the Spirit has put on my heart to write. Sometimes I have felt that I had no end to the thoughts in my heart; other times I couldn't put two sentences together.

As I have pondered why that is, my conclusion is that the words stop flowing when I have not taken time to be still before the Lord. There is something that happens when I silence my hectic day, thoughts, and heart just to sit at His feet and listen. That is when I am released. That is when I can hear clearly, and therefore the words flow easily. I am learning, quite slowly, how to be like Mary and let all the busyness of life stop while I sit at His feet.

This morning as I was reading, this verse struck me: "But you have been anointed by [you hold a sacred appointment from, you have been given an unction from] the Holy One ..." 1 John 2:20, AMP. This is the reason why I have felt so freed as I have begun to write. He has anointed me for this, He has given me the unction to do it. That not only encourages me greatly, it also makes me tremble; for I am accountable to Him for every word I write.

May He encourage you along your way today.
Blessings,
Kerry

Beginnings

Today I have jumped into the 21st century! Though at times I have resisted technology to the point that my dear husband and son have labeled me a technophobe, I am joining the conversation. Hopefully my posts will help other beginning writers (and others just beginning to step out in their gifts) to have the courage to do so.

I have always longed to write, but struggled with feeling inadequate to the point that I was terrified to do so, even for myself. While I may want to lay some blame on my own perception growing up that my parents valued the practical beyond pursuing dreams, the truth of the matter is I walked in fear. I am not speaking of the feeling a little timid, but the overwhelming, no way can I do that!! kind of fear. The kind that says I am stupid for even considering this.

But what I have come to realize is that not only did the Lord give this gift to me, but that I am worshipping Him when I write what He shows me. And I have an enemy who has fought fiercely to keep me from writing. That tells me that the Lord does want to use me, otherwise why would the devil throw out so much resistance?

In being honest about the fits and starts of walking this out, I pray others will be encouraged. Let us begin . . .