Good movie

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing
small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't
feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the
glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marianne Williamson

This is a quote that was used in the movie, “Akeelah and the Bee.” It is an excellent movie that had great themes of redemption in it. (Other than a little language at the beginning, it was clean of offensive material, and I would highly recommend it.) The story starts with a little girl who speaks of not knowing how or where she fits in life. She is looking for purpose. Something many of us, Christian or not, struggle with at times.

As she begins training for a spelling bee, her coach has her read the above quote. It struck me so much that I played that scene over and over in order to write it down. And while the overall premise is definitely new age in nature, yet I find pieces of truth interwoven throughout it. (Isn’t that what all false beliefs do? Use only portions of the truth?)

Sometimes I do find myself fearing success more than I do failure. Maybe it is because then I know others will be looking to me, that I will have no excuse to hide behind anymore. Maybe it is that my own insecurities will be manifest in the light. Sometimes I think we are afraid of standing successfully because it stands out so distinctly in our fallen world. God is not pleased with those who shrink back, but He calls us to be those who press in.

And isn’t it so like our enemy to whisper in our ear, “Who do you think you are that you would dare to be . . .” I listen to those lies way too often. Forgive me Lord. Yet our mighty, powerful, redeeming God has said that He has given us everything pertaining to life and godliness. He has said that He will complete the work He has begun in us. He has called us to let our light so shine before men that they will see our good works and glorify our Father in heaven.

And I find it true that the Lord does use each one of us to encourage others as He sets us free from fear and beckons us to the light. This is why He exhorts us not to forsake the gathering together. As one of us is encouraged to step out in faith, others are as well.

May you be encouraged today to let your light shine!

Busy Saturday

I probably won't be posting tomorrow since we are doing our taxes, then filing the FAFSA for Chris and Beth, then I plan on updating my blog with some suggestions that Chris strongly hinted at adding. So look for a few updates on the blog by late tomorrow. At least assuming that the taxes and FAFSA don't take all day.

If it isn't updated by around 5, it isn't happening yet because tomorrow night I have a date with a good book, "The Last Sin-Eater," by Francine Rivers. It has been waiting for me for two weeks! That is a long time for me to not pick up a book which has been staring at me from my dresser. I haven't even had time to read the back cover copy! I will have complete quiet as David and the girls will be attending the Daddy-Daughter dance. I am blessed that they can have this special time. It will be something for them to treasure.

Sabbath rest

Daily it seems as though I get up, rush through morning preparations, work through my days, run errands, prepare dinner, and attend meetings. Then I collapse into bed at night, only to start all over again. I am feeling exhausted. The exhaustion is not only physical, it is mental and emotional and spiritual as well. It seems that our society is so focused on going constantly that we no longer know how to have down time. My youngest daughter is always involved in an after school activity. My other daughter runs from school to work, then home to do homework. My college-age son mentioned a similar feeling earlier in the week in his blog. It is prevalent in our society.

Today at lunch when I read my Bible, Exodus 35:2 (NASB) spoke loudly to me: "For six days work may be done, but on the seventh day you shall have a holy day, a sabbath of complete rest to the LORD." God created our world in six days and on the seventh day He rested. The Message ends a similar verse (Exod. 31:15) this way: "on the seventh day he [God] stopped and took a long, deep breath." Hmmmm. I am seeing a tie-in with what the Lord has been showing me that I wrote about in my last post. Breathe deeply.

The Hebrew definition of Sabbath implies an intermission, a day of rest, not to work. It is sanctified as a time of reflection, a time of refreshment. How often my Sundays are spent rushing to church, only to rush home to complete that task left waiting, that chore yet to be done, that shopping still needed?

As I contemplated this, I had to consider not only my Sundays, but my whole life as well. How many times have we planned a vacation that is packed with activities? Or rushed from place to place? Isn't that what every day looks like? Where is the refreshment in that? God does want us to have a Sabbath, not as a rule to be enforced, but as a day of refreshment. Do I even know what refreshment means anymore?

God wants us to have time to take that intermission, a chance to recharge our batteries not only spiritually, but physically and emotionally. He wants us to have time to reflect, to think deeply about what He is speaking to us, about the direction our lives are headed. I don't believe He ever intended for us to rush through life without direction. He couldn't as that is the opposite of who He is. He is intentional, even about rest.

I have felt convicted by this verse. I am choosing to rest on a weekly basis. I will take time to reflect, contemplate, and be refreshed.

Blessings

Gotta learn to breathe again

I began physical therapy for a chronic back condition late last week in the midst of preparations for the writing conference. I went in ready to work out. After an evaluation, the therapist began working with me. The first thing I needed to learn to do was breathe.

Okay, I don't know what I have been doing all these 40+ years. I thought I was breathing: taking air in, blowing air out. Problem was, I have not been breathing correctly. I have only been breathing shallowly. I have to retrain myself to breathe deeply, correctly, as I did when I was a child. The therapist told me that by the time many people hit their teens, they no longer breathe correctly.

So my first step of PT consisted of laying on the cot, breathing. I had to learn how to engage my whole diaphragm and all of my lungs, instead of only the top portion. After this, I could begin to learn how to stretch properly. Again, all my knowledge had to be thrown out. The stretches I am doing don't look like stretches at all. They look like I am barely moving, barely holding a position.

And this got me thinking: how much of my life have I spent on the shallow end of things? How many things have I thought I knew how to do, only to find that I have been causing myself more pain? Time to go back to basics. Time to learn again what I thought I knew.

The Lord has longed for a relationship with me that is deeply intimate. But it has been too easy for me to stay shallow. Yes, I am still in relationship with Him, I still spend time with Him. But I am denying the very thing which will not only give me life, but also cleanse me. When I breathe shallowly, I am not expelling the carbon dioxide fully. Therefore, toxins build up in my system, which only exacerbates muscle tension and stress. The same is true when I just do the bare minimum time with the Lord. He has been showing me to go deeper in His word the last couple of months, and I have been spending extended time in reading and praying.

Artist: Avalon
Song: Dreams I Dream For You
Album: A Maze Of Grace

(Chorus:)
The dreams I dream for you
Are deeper than the ones you're clinging to
More precious than the finest things you knew
And truer than the treasures you pursue
Let the old dreams die
Like stars that fade from view
Then take the cup I offer
And drink deeply of
The dreams I dream for you

How many areas of my life have I lived through, but not truly lived? I have gone through my days, doing what needed to be done, but there was no passion, no vitality? It is because I stayed shallow, which is very easy to do. What the Lord has been asking me is, what am I passionate about? What am I excited to pursue? Writing is obviously one thing. But there are others, waiting to be rediscovered. I am going back and thinking about when I was young. What did I dream of? What did I long for? What hopes did I have? I would encourage each reader to do the same. The Lord longs to set us free, to be who He created us to be, to dream the dreams He has for us.

Blessings!

Writing for the Soul conference

Wow! That about sums up the Writing for the Soul conference. There were about 400 people in attendance and we were all so encouraged by the wonderful speakers. Before I even begin to tell of all the Lord did in me, I must commend the speakers. Each one, regardless of their level of success (and they are very successful), all credited the Lord with their gifts, all established that their writing was a platform from the Lord to tell others about the gospel. I had gone to the conference not knowing what manner of people I would encounter. I have to say, I didn't meet one person with ego issues. All were humble and grateful. I would strongly encourage other writers to attend a Christian writing conference if possible.

The writers and editors I met were wonderful. New friends were instantly made. And each time I shared with either another writer or an editor what I felt led to write about, the response was incredibly positive. Each one would say something about how important it is right now for us to support not only the military personnel, but their families as well.

Now as to the contacts I made: the day before the conference I met my writing mentor and she was so encouraging and told me which publisher I should approach. She introduced me to that editor on Thursday night and gave a strong recommendation for both the project and me. On Friday I met with that editor from Moody and she wants to see a proposal from me. That is very positive since they don't always ask to see a proposal.

I also met with Focus on the Family and MomSense magazines to discuss writing for their publications. Both were very encouraging and not only gave me the standard cards, but passed along direct contacts for the editors with whom I would be working. The Editorial Director from Focus actually encouraged me to call and meet with the editor in person. That is almost unheard of in the publishing world.

At lunch on Saturday, I was at a table with the CBN.com representative. After hearing the Hidden Heroes book idea, he told me to stop by after lunch. I did so and he opened him Palm and cell phone to pass along personal contact information for a woman who has a son who has been deployed three times to Iraq. She runs a speaker training service and has written some articles on this topic. The doors that were opened to me were incredible. Contacts are normally more closely guarded, but here everyone was freely sharing.

At Saturday night's dinner a group of us ended up sitting with the Moody editor. A gentleman at the table was asking each of us about our writing. I was able to share the concept again about our military families and the editor was able to see for herself the avid attention everyone gave to the idea. I had tried to communicate this to her when we met, but what an opportunity the Lord provided for her to see how the public responds to it.

On Sunday evening, I had the blessing visiting with my sister who was in town overnight. I drove to pick her up from a friend's house. When her friend asked about my writing, she eagerly jumped in saying she had some families she knew who would be excited to talk with me.

The doors which are opening are wide. I just have to walk through them. I stand in awe of the Lord and what He is doing. The next few weeks will be filled with writing a book proposal and contacting the magazines. When the Lord opens a door, no one can shut it. I pray that I will be attentive and faithful to follow His leading in all of this.

Blessings.

Preparations!

Preparations for the writing conference continue in earnest. I spent most of Saturday researching the publishers and agents who will be present. Still trying to decide who I want an appointment with. Meanwhile, the web site got stalled since our hard drive failed. So instead of finishing the web site, David (my husband) had the joy of rebuilding and restoring. Well, I figure, the web site will be up when it gets there.

I have spent today doing more research, redesigning business cards and beginning to contemplate which writing samples I want to pull to discuss/show at the conference. I am tired already and the 16 hour days haven't begun yet! And I need to complete my writing lesson which is due by Thursday. I am really thankful that I don't have much editing work this week!

I realized that I am undergoing a transformation as I am write more. I am thinking more like a writer. The only way I can relate this is that it is like learning a foreign language. You finally reach a point when you start thinking in not just speaking the foreign language. This came to me when I was driving to meet my husband for lunch last week. There I am driving down a road when this whole story comes to me.

What if you were driving down this road and a car going the opposite direction swerves suddenly, causing the semi-dump truck in front of you to jackknife. You turn sharply to the right, only to realize too late there is a school bus just pulling up from your blind spot. The last thing you know is a flash of yellow and the grinding crunch of metal on metal. When you awake in intensive care, there is a stranger sitting there. He grabs you hand and starts crying, "Thank God! Thank God!" You stare at him blankly and wonder who is this guy?? When the nurse comes in, she agrees that it is a miracle that his wife is awake. Wait a minute—wife? Then you realize you have no memory whatsoever. No memory of your name, your life, your husband, your children. How do you go on? How do you rebuild a life when there is no guarantee you memory will ever return?

This all flashed through my mind in a split second while simply driving to lunch. When I shared it with my spouse, I have to say he gave me a little bit of an incredulous look. He thought I was a little odd. That's when it hit me. I am thinking like a writer. I am allowing my imagination to flow more freely. Then I came across this quote from Oswald Chambers.

"The starvation of the imagination is one of the most fruitful sources of exhaustion and sapping in a worker's life. . . .Imagination is the greatest gift God has given us and it ought to be devoted entirely to Him. . . .Learn to associate ideas worthy of God with all that happens in Nature—the sunrises and the sunsets, the sun and the stars, the changing seasons, and your imagination will never be at the mercy of your impulses, but will always be at the service of God."

Our God is creative God. And my creativity will flow when I am listening to Him and learning from His incredibly creative world.

Writing is work!

I have known that writing is hard work. I just would rather forget the grunge work that has to happen alongside the actual fun writing! The next few days I will be spending doing research on the various publishers and agents who are attending the conference next week. Then I need to decide which ones I will contact and write out some questions I want to ask them.

I also need to pull some writing samples to show them my style and voice. Depending on which publishers I will be contacting, I will need to find/write samples that will fit their market. I finally need to prepare a query for the book about military families so that I can also get their input on it. Lots of work. I don't particularly like this end of things simply because it's hard to define "productive" in this area. I am praying for clear direction for all of this. I want to be as prepared as possible at the conference. I know the Lord has me attending for a reason. I will just have to wait and see if that has anything to do with writing or if the reason is more focused on a person whom I will connect with. I will have to be alert in all areas. Hmmm. . . isn't that what He has been saying? I want to make the most of the opportunities I am given, for the time is short.

Blessings!

Exciting news

Well, some exciting news on the writing front! Yesterday my questionnaire for military spouses went out in a Family Readiness Group newsletter for the Texas National Guard. I am not sure of the reach of this newsletter, but I already received a reply from a lady in Omaha. I feel as though the ride has begun and I am just holding on tight! I am trembling, yet also very excited to see how the Lord brings Hidden Heroes (my working title) together. These families sacrifice so much. What an honor to tell their stories.

On a similar front, next week is the Writing for the Soul writer's conference. I will be learning from some of the best in the Christian publishing world. I am unsure at this point if I will be meeting with any publishers or agents one on one. Still praying over direction there and doing research.

Also, my Christian Writer's Guild mentor will be here to speak at the conference. I offered to act as tour guide to her on Wednesday. We will have the majority of the day to discuss all manner of writing and querying. I am thrilled to have some time getting to know her and also to be able to pick her brain.

Blessings.

Little boys, little joys

Well, yesterday ended on a similar note to how it began. I had a very minor fender bender late yesterday afternoon. I came home, cried, and got on with life. By about 7:30 I retreated to a hot bubble bath and tried to soothe away not only the tension from a day gone awry, but from a heart gone awry.

I had started the day with such a chip on my shoulder. Where it came from, I am unsure. All I know is that it got fed all day long as one thing after another had some sort of snag to it until I was wiped out. All I could do as I soaked in the steamy bath was ask the Lord to cleanse me once again. And again I realized how totally self-absorbed I can be at times. The whole day was all about me. What a waste. What a shame to bring to my Lord.

Today as I began again, I still felt heavy-hearted. Like my heart had gotten scratched, not just my new car. I strove to put it behind me and move ahead. But today, again, was a day of fits and starts. I was on my way to meet my prayer partner when she called me saying she was sick. I went to start my old car to meet my daughter at the dentist and the battery was dead. These are the type of days I just have to step back and say, "Okay, Lord. I stop. I wait on You."

As I did that today, He blessed me in unexpected ways. I took my dog for a walk as usual. The high was around 60 degrees and it was a gorgeous day to be outside. As I strolled up the sidewalk, two little boys around 4 years old stopped in front of me on their little scooters. One was blond with a slight sprinkling of freckles, very talkative. Obviously the leader. The other was dark-haired, dark-eyed, and fairly quiet.

The blond leader asked to pet my dog. Golden retrievers have that affect on both young and old frequently. After my reply, both boys approached Asher to pet him and let him lick their little hands. Then the dark haired boy was off, back to gather his scooter. The blond one proceeded to invite me into his world. "You can get to know me. I live in that house there. My friend lives in this house here. You can know me."

I thanked him, told the boys to have a good day, and moved on with my walk. But the image of the boy and his response stayed with me. When I had told him to have a good day, he said, "I will!" There was no politeness to his reply as we adults are prone to do. No false smile. His was genuine. His joy in his day, with wherever it took him, was complete. He didn't know what the next 15 minutes were going to look like, much less the rest of the day. Yet there was no concern, no weight on his shoulders. He was content.

As I walked, I mulled over his lesson to me. Jesus said we are to come to Him as a little child. I have lost sight of that. I have forgotten how to rest in my Father's care and just let my day unfold as He pleases. After all, He is the one in control. I have also forgotten how to constantly and eagerly invite not only the Lord, but anyone I meet to join me. "This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

Blessings.

Ugh, Monday

Why are Mondays so hard sometimes? I don't know if it is tiredness from a busy weekend or just the thought of all I have to accomplish in the week ahead of me. Whatever the case, I know I need refreshing and the Lord's perspective.

Just yesterday I was reading in Matthew where Jesus admonished us not to worry. Yesterday I thought, "Okay, I can do that. I don't worry too much about what is going to happen tomorrow. I know God will provide." Then today hits and after a partial meltdown over nothing, I realize that I am worrying about tomorrow. I do have anxiety about what my day holds. I should know by now from past experience that if I will just take things one at a time as they come, I won't be overwhelmed. But instead, I find myself stressed about the entire day and the entire week and even the week after this. Not good.

How little I truly trust the Lord. I see that I am stressed because as the writing is progressing, I am feeling the weight of expectations of others regarding the book. If I am asking for input and the input is coming, don't I "owe" those contributors some output? The answer is both yes and no. Yes, I do need to allow them to see the fruit of sharing their stories with me. At the same time, I must constantly remind myself that I am accountable to God alone. It is before my Master I will stand or fall. So, I am taking a deep breath, letting go of perceived expectations, and abandoning this again to Him.

On a couple of other notes: what a blessing to see Tony Dungy giving all the glory to the Lord last night. And what a gracious man Lovie Smith is. Both men are truly examples of those who shine the Lord through their quiet and gracious lives. We should all strive for such.

And keep praying over the new vaccination for HPV. The drug company producing this is waging an extremely expensive campaign to launch this. While the premise is that a vaccine can prevent this virus, and thereby some cervical cancer, their push to want all women immunized is motivated purely by money. Though, of course, this is masked by concern for our health.

But why do are they pushing to have all 11-12 year old girls immunized? It is because the drug is only effective if it is taken before sexual contact. In effect, they are saying that all girls will be sexually active and promiscuous. If a young woman waits for marriage and is a monogamous relationship, she has no chance of catching this virus.

What is scary is that here in Colorado, the legislature is pushing a law to make this a mandatory immunization. And in Texas, the governor didn't want to deal with debate in his legislature so he made it an executive order for all girls 9-18. And he has ties to the drug company, Merck, and to Women in Government. For a good discussion on this, go to Angela Hunt's blog (a much more well-know writer!) http://alifeinpages.blogspot.com/

There is much we need to be in prayer about and the focus is definitely not on me. Thanks for the perspective, Lord, even as I wrote this!

Blessings!