Yesterday's article was insightful for me to write, but also to see the responses of those around me. When my oldest daughter read the first paragraph, she was horrified. "Mom, you really did that and thought that??" Yep. There is my dirt.
Her response hit me on a couple of levels. First, that gratefully she was shocked that I could respond that way. I take that to mean that I don't normally function that way anymore. Praise God! The other thing was that the environment she has grown up in has taught her the honor and blessing it is to serve. How different from the self-absorbed world in which I lived. God is so gracious.
Another thought that has crossed my mind of late is that writing, whether fiction or nonfiction, requires a deep level of honesty and vulnerability. By honesty, I mean really dealing with deep emotions and the truth of how ugly life here can be and how glorious our Father is. This, at least to me, is a very vulnerable place.
As I have written in the past, growing up I thought the most important things in life, the way to succeed was to be practical and focus all my energy there. In doing so, I learned to stuff things down and didn't allow myself to learn how to deal with deep emotions. They remained, but hidden. And when they do come bursting out, usually at inopportune times, it can be messy. I don't really like messy.
So part of the struggle in writing is learning how to express those deep things in my own heart and on the page. And that makes me feel vulnerable. But I am learning that the more I write, the easier it becomes to allow those emotions to flow onto the paper. And that is what makes the word on the page come to life—when it touches us. When we read something and we are moved to laugh, cry, act. That is what I want my writing to be, an instrument to touch hearts and change lives.
Blessings.
2 comments:
Interesting. I hadn't ever really thought of it that way. My problem isn't so much burying the emotions as letting them flow out too easily, all the time, so I've never really had to learn to express them the way you are now - though I've certainly seen what you're describing in your life. I'm really glad God is working this in you; and I pray you'll have the wisdom of how to let this work out not only in your writing but in ther est of your life as well. You're awesome, Mom! I love you!
You know, I try to tell people that when they have children, their children will not compartmentalize their parents into before parents and after becoming parents ... to our children, we are their mom/dad ... and our whole life becomes the life of their mom/dad ... not simply the part beginning when they came into the picture. To my girls, my whole life is the life of their mommy ... and all my choices impact them in some way or another ... some little; some big; some kinda a "huh ... okay, mom."
it IS SOOO hard to become transparent ... it's a process. the more transparent you become, the more you are able to be. i remember when i wrote so little "real" stuff in my journals ... now i just write everything there. but it's a process. they say that the more you tell your story, the less "power" it has over you ... it's true. the more you share and share and share, the less power your past, good or bad, has over you, and they more you are set free from it binding you in any way. kinda cool, really ... cause it's true.
i think it's very commendable that you recognize this and are willing to become more and more open to all that's been burried.
and what an awesome testimony to your parenting that Chris doesn't really "get it" because it's never been an issue for him! you created an atmosphere where he could be himself as he lived his life ... he didn't have to stuff anything down to save for later because you and David allowed him the freedom to be himself all along - go Kerry and David!!!
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