I have spent some time pondering this week, trying to get a grip on what I have been feeling for a few weeks. It is almost a depressed sort of feeling, a tiredness, a weariness, which is not physical. I sometimes think that life can just knock the stuffing out of you without you even realizing it.
I think some of these feelings come from not seeing the answers/promises fulfilled yet as to what the Lord is doing. I know He is faithful. I know He is doing all that He has promised and purposed. I am just not seeing it yet. And sometimes I grow weary in the waiting. I think some of these feelings also come from getting caught in a rut in life. Sometimes I get so busy just keeping up with life stuff, you know the daily to do lists, that I am just going through the motions.
This past Sunday our pastor challenged us to DEFINE who we are.
Decide
Exactly how I am going to
Function
In a
New
Environment
The thing is that I am not sure I am in a new environment. I am in some areas, not in many. I do need time to contemplate though about who the Lord has called me to be, what my roles are, how can I glorify Him in all of them. Maybe part of the issue is that my roles are in a constant state of shifting. And I am not quite sure where to step. I know that if I can just quiet my heart to listen, He will direct me. He has promised that He will guide my steps and enlarge the place where my feet tread.
Oh, my soul, be still and know He is God. Be still, be filled, be refreshed.
Blessings
4 comments:
You've been wanting a spring break too... ;-)
Sometimes it's a little tough seeing "everybody else" get away while you're left trying to do the same thing. The kids are on break, so it messes with your schedule and throws you off.
As for where your feet are to tread, it is really a good thing that the Lord directs our steps, that way we don't step in the piles of stuff (like the work that hit earlier in the week). ;-D
I know that we can't demand such quality with each daily posting, but I savored many of the phrasings you used. (Like "grow weary in the waiting.") The beauty of the language held me longer and focused me on the message. Thank you!
Christina-what a kind thing to say! You just lit up my day. :)
Seasons of great change are like walking on shifting ground. Your beautiful daughter graduating and flinging open her wings, believing she is more ready than the wisdom of her parents know, yet you must let her discover such truths on her own. Becoming a daily family of three after being five for so long. It changes how you spend your time, your marriage, how you relate to your children. David's job insecurity. Your coveted role of Mother ... changing ... shifting ... who am I? How do I fit in here? anywhere?
A season of big change ... and not simply one big change, but many.
Remember the changes of having that first baby? Becoming a mom? Trying to figure out how to simply get out the door in under, say, one hour? It took time. We were told to nap when the baby sleeps to keep up our strength.
Letting go takes time, too. I'm sure there are sleepless nights filled with prayers rising to heaven over the hearts and lives of your children. Perhaps you need to take time to sleep during the day when you know they are *sleeping* or in class (hopefully not both at the same time ;) You may not be using the same energy a new mommy needs, but this must be a time of great mental and emotional adjustment, and that brings a weariness on our physical bodies, too.
This season will pass, but not until its time.
Dear God, I lift Kerry up to You. How wrenching the heart of a Momma, a wife, a woman. We feel and experience so deeply on so many levels all at the same time. Kerry is weary, Lord. Her life is full of many changes and the ground is shifting beneath her feet, and she needs You - Your strength, Your anchor, Your solid rock. Create space in her life for rest. Hold her as her heart aches through these changes and adjustments and overflows with love and pride for her dear and precious children and husband. Fill her with the Truth that You are not allowing changes without purpose, and that the next season is not empty and haunting but is filled with new Life awaiting its turn on the timeline of hers. You are Sovereign and Holy, God, and You love Your beloved Kerry. Draw her into Your strong, solid, never changing, never moving arms. Comfort and soothe her Momma-heart during such huge changes in her role as Momma. Love her in deep and tender ways that only You can. May she know and experience You so intimately and completely and be so overwhelmed by the fullness of You inside her heart and soul and mind and body. You are Good, God, so very good, and I love You, Ame
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