That's Life essay

Here's the essay I will submit to our paper for the "That's Life" column.

It’s time to clean the clutter out of the basement again. If your basement is anything like mine, it becomes a black hole. Don’t know where to put something? Stash it downstairs. Company coming? Hide the extra junk just out of sight. It has become a jungle below, out of sight, out of mind.

I know I can be a pack rat at times, but I also think the opportune moment has arrived. I am ready to do war against any memory, no matter how sentimental. In a few short weeks I will have a house full of company for my daughter’s graduation. I have to find space down there for a guest bed for my sister and her family.

As I look at all we are getting rid of this time, (this event occurs every few years) I see memories, long with junk that I can't remember getting. How strange it is that stuff seems to multiply down there. Some items, like the ceramic bunny statue, I just shake my head and wonder why we got it in the first place.

There are old vinyl records, probably 30-40 of them stacked in a box, everything from rock and roll to country and Christian pop. Bee Gees, Styx, Amy Grant, Bread. We haven’t even had the record player connected to the receiver in 10-15 years. Why have we kept the albums? I certainly don’t think we want to nail them to a wall like on “Trading Spaces.”

Then there are the children’s games and toys: baby doll beds, old games like Masterpiece and Mousetrap, soccer balls and cleats, softball helmets, puzzles, Barbie pools, and little girls’ dress up clothes. All snapshots of days gone by since all my kids are in their mid to late teens.

We also need to get rid of old sports gear like the skis that are way too long and straight, and the weight machine that was just missing a few bolts and a chain when it was given to us. Never did get those pieces and it has sat gathering dust.

There are books, ranging from old classics we picked up at garage sales that we have never read, to homeschool books, and encyclopedias I had as a child. We have lamps, pictures, and a dresser we bought at another garage sale when we had our first baby almost 20 years ago.

Time to get rid of stuff. Maybe it’s spring. Maybe it’s the transition with a child graduating. Maybe it’s by force due to the coming company. Maybe it’s all of the above. Whatever the full reason, I am ready to tackle the space and reclaim it for civilization.

Writing today: That's Life essay

Today I am writing an essay for the Life section of our paper titled, "That's Life." The paper has an open call for submissions for a short essay about anything in life, big or small. They have covered everything from a teen learning to drive, to politeness, to how a family of a race car driver handles watching NASCAR. I am writing an essay about decluttering our basement. The items we are getting rid of are not needed by us any more. However they are filled with memories, some are over 20 years old. I guess I see this as an analogy to life. Sometimes we gotta clean out the clutter which is no longer serving a purpose. Well, off to write.

And by the way, thanks to all for the encouragement yesterday. I had lunch with two friends from my previous employer. Good friends, good laughter and sympathy. They lightened my heart.

Moving on, finding inspiration

The last few weeks have been difficult . . . lonely . . . the isolation of being home alone, writing (and trying to keep inspired), amid what I can am calling the blues. I refuse to define it as a depression, though I certainly fit some of the symptoms. (Denial—gotta love it!) There is a reason I refuse to name it thus, there is the power of life and death in words and I won't pronounce this over myself. I will acknowledge that I am feeling depressed at times, just won't define myself that way.

As an aside, I have known people who have suffered with real depression and I am in no way judging them. This is just my way of talking positive to myself and speaking life over myself.

All I can figure is that perimenopause, along with lots of spiritual battles, and my second child getting ready to graduate high school have all combined to knock me flat. I have suffered though what I can only term "hormonal" swings with crying jags, anger, weariness. Blah! I know that is not who I am and quite frankly I am about fed up with it. I have found myself feeling hopeless and helpless as a wife, mother, prayer warrior and writer. I have thought, "There is no way I could possibly write, I don't have what it takes." When will I learn to recognize the enemy's lies sooner?

Today I have spent some time surfing, coming across come great sites for women and for writers which I have plugged in with, including Robin LeeHatcher's site, and Writer Interrupted. I also visited the Christian Women Online page–great e-mag. Anyway today I am choosing to write, whether I feel like I can or not. I have plugged in with some other writers' sites. Sometimes I think we just have to pick up and go on with the callings of our life and let the emotions follow along when they will, kind of like recalcitrant toddlers. Guess I need to treat mine as such. :P

Praise God!

Just a quick update: the missing man and child returned home safely last night around 11 pm. They had been camping. Thank you Jesus!

Heavy hearted day . . .

Today we are facing another snow storm. It's been a long winter this year. Amazing how we long for spring. I believe it is a spiritual thing. We long to see the world around us come alive. It reminds us of how Jesus has given us new life.

Beyond the weather, my heart is heavy, burdened with intercession. Our dear pastor's adult son and grandchild are missing. No one has seen or heard from them since last Saturday morning and everything seemed fine. The grandchild also had chicken pox. Now we have a winter storm with forecasts of up to a foot of snow where they live. The sheriff's office is looking for them. Most of last night was spent praying instead of sleeping. Please join me in praying for our pastor's wife (who has MS), his daughter-in-law (the wife), and her parents as well. Everyone is deeply concerned.

Dear Jesus, You know where they are. Please shine Your light on this circumstance. Keep them safe. Guard them from the schemes of the evil one. End the torment of not knowing where they are. Keep the hearts of their loved ones in a peace only You can bring. Help them to guard their thoughts from all speculations.

Grieving with VT

What a sad day. My heart is breaking for all those affected by the shootings at Virginia Tech yesterday. My prayers are for those families who lost loved ones, for the survivors, for the other students and staff and their families, for the shooter's family. How tragic.

Our human minds cannot grasp the depth of pain/oppression/despair that must have driven the young man to this horrific end. Why he would choose to kill others for no apparent reason is beyond comprehension. As my husband noted, we cannot fathom with human understanding what is purely demonic. We are in a battle. There is an enemy who seeks to kill, rob, and destroy. What manner of fear has been let loose upon all college campuses? Upon all schools, and in all parents' hearts?

Jesus, bring light in this darkness. Bring comfort that only You can in the midst of such pain. May Your gospel burst forth upon this campus and indeed all our country even more explosively than this evil did. You shine, Jesus, all the brighter when the darkness is greater.

Busy day, time flies

Today is my sweet daughter's 18th birthday. As do so many parents, I wonder where did the time go? Seems like just yesterday ... her fluffy, blond curls swirled round her two-year-old head as she picked flowers from my garden to give to me, her tiny little fingers curled round mine to stay safe as we crossed the street. Her giggles filled the house as she and her younger sister would play dress up again and again, all the way up till she entered high school and started playing dress up for real. Her easy laughter even now always lightens our home, she knows just how to make her dad laugh even after the toughest day. We joke that she has had him wrapped around her little finger since the day he held her in the hospital asking with trembling voice, how do I raise a girl?

Today, we delight in this wonderful young lady who is compassionate, discerning, knows her Lord and loves Him with her whole heart. We are excited about the plans the Lord is unfolding in her life. I do not fear for her as she leaves for college next fall, I know she is secure in the Lord's love and He will guide her safely each day. She can be intense at times, like everyone in our house :P, but she is also the one who laughs the easiest. Thank you, Jesus, for the gift of raising this beautiful young woman for you.

Today is busy with writing as well. I am working on an article about the military families today which will be both for my lesson and I am going to submit it when I get the comments back on it. I also have three other possibilities for articles to pitch which need to be done by next Wednesday. So I'm off to write!

Writing goes on, as does life

Well, yesterday was semi-productive. I got some work done, not enough. :P Today I am feeling more energized and like I can be productive. Perhaps getting some more sleep helped. I know the prayers of others definitely did. Thank you.

Last night I began working on my latest lesson and it actually fits with my needs of what I am requiring myself to get done by my critique group on Friday: an interview and article. :D So I got half the lesson done and started brainstorming on what I want to do for the article. I am going to interview a military wife about a heartbreaking time she faced alone while her husband was deployed. Her little sister, only 12, died suddenly and she had to cope alone. I am going to set up to contact her perhaps tomorrow morning.

I have realized while writing and processing stuff the last week or so that we are really in a major transition in our family and it does take a toll on us in every area. Not only are we preparing for our daughter to graduate, my husband has gone through a job change at work, and the changes in our family relationships just continue to move constantly these days. I know it is not a bad thing, just have to keep adjusting, keep going with the flow, so it doesn't overwhelm me. Today I look outside at our wonderful spring time weather in April: it's snowing. Only in Colorado can we swing from 25 degrees on Sunday, to 60 degrees yesterday, to snow again today. I guess that about describes my life right now: sunny one day, snowing the next. I just have to be as prepared as I am able and enjoy what comes.

Updates

Just a quick update, this is looking like a busy week. Lots of work, needing to get my Writer's Guild lesson done, meeting with my critique group Friday and am supposed to have at least one article written by then about the military families. Not sure how to juggle it all. I will update more on the writing later.

On top of that I have physical therapy continuing for my back. Trying to be patient (not a strong suit for me), but it is frustrating at times to be limited in what I can do. So I am going to try to extend my walks this week to at least get a little more exercise which will probably help with the general malaise I have been feeling.

There are many deep prayer needs as well, for dear ones in my life, so I have spent many hours (usually at night :P) interceding for the breakthroughs that are needed. All are spiritual, some physical as well. I am praying for eyes to be opened, for discernment that is keen and focused, that Jesus alone will get all the glory. I have been reminded this week that the Lord does not need nor even want my sacrifices. He wants my devotion. He has said that all I need do is obey His voice. Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do when I have so many other voices clamoring for attention. These voices come to me in my own heart and desires, in the pressures of the expectations of others, of "Christianity," of commitments I have made both wisely and foolishly.

Yet this morning I read again that Jesus said the one He sets free is free indeed. Lord, help us all to leave behind the baggage that we all too easily pick up and lug around. May we all learn to walk in obedience to Your voice alone, then we shall be truly free indeed. All You have for us is life abundant.

Blessings.

Pondering

I have spent some time pondering this week, trying to get a grip on what I have been feeling for a few weeks. It is almost a depressed sort of feeling, a tiredness, a weariness, which is not physical. I sometimes think that life can just knock the stuffing out of you without you even realizing it.

I think some of these feelings come from not seeing the answers/promises fulfilled yet as to what the Lord is doing. I know He is faithful. I know He is doing all that He has promised and purposed. I am just not seeing it yet. And sometimes I grow weary in the waiting. I think some of these feelings also come from getting caught in a rut in life. Sometimes I get so busy just keeping up with life stuff, you know the daily to do lists, that I am just going through the motions.

This past Sunday our pastor challenged us to DEFINE who we are.
Decide
Exactly how I am going to
Function
In a
New
Environment

The thing is that I am not sure I am in a new environment. I am in some areas, not in many. I do need time to contemplate though about who the Lord has called me to be, what my roles are, how can I glorify Him in all of them. Maybe part of the issue is that my roles are in a constant state of shifting. And I am not quite sure where to step. I know that if I can just quiet my heart to listen, He will direct me. He has promised that He will guide my steps and enlarge the place where my feet tread.

Oh, my soul, be still and know He is God. Be still, be filled, be refreshed.

Blessings

Spring break

Well, this week is getting off to a slow start writing wise. Spring break will do that to you, at least if you have kids at home. So far this week has been filled with interruptions of giggling, errands, movies, etc.

My 17 yo daughter is getting ready to fly to see her brother in Oklahoma. It should be a great time for both of them and a taste of what's to come this fall for those of us at home. I am excited for her to go and yet praying a bunch for her as well.

When our kids leave home, be it for a week or much longer, our prayer life kicks into high gear. Funny thing but it's like I think I can keep them safe, healthy, spiritually strong when they are home and "only God can" when they are away. This isn't a conscious thing, but truly I am unaware of thinking, functioning, that way. Guess it's God's way of showing me (again!) that my kids are really His kids and He is the one who will keep them at all times and in all places.

Work has hit in a pile as usual. I am hoping to clear the pressing stuff off my desk by later today so that I can hit some more writing.

Productive day

Yesterday was a productive day in many ways. I was able to drop off some work, pick up some work, attend my critique group, and watch a new favorite movie.

My critique group ended up being only two of us, but it was a productive time for us both. Linda and I had only met once before at the writer's conference, but we got to know one another better yesterday. I read some of Linda's assignments for her journalism class and hopefully gave her some pointers.

I showed her the intro, questionnaire, and first three chapters outline for the book. She had some good input on the writing and strongly encouraged me to get some articles written about the military families since there are so many stories to tell within the book. I am thinking this will be a great way to get the initial stories out and build readership, which is something publishers like to see.

She has a contact for me who is head of a Family Readiness Group here at Fort Carson. And today on my Weight Watcher's message board group, I met a Navy wife. The Lord keeps opening so many doors. I need wisdom on how and when to walk through them. So much to do, so little time!!

And the movie I watched is a definite new favorite, "Stranger than Fiction." It has a little language and one scene of nudity (not sexual), but it is funny and also makes me think. It brings up the question of who is in control of our lives. What sort of life we lead depends greatly on what we think our purpose is and if we are really in control.

As a Christian, I know Who is in control and because of that hope, I can have peace and purpose. My life is not given over to futility. The other level I relate to in this movie is as a writer. Ah, the world of writing is a world within itself, even for the non-fiction writer. And how much more so for the fiction writer. So many have said their characters are "real" people to them. And this movie portrays that in a tragic yet comedic way. Anyway if you want a movie that makes you think, laugh, and ponder, this would be it. (Just keep in mind the couple of offensive things listed above.)

My wonderful DH is planning on working on my web site today and we are hoping to finish it! That would be great if we can. He has put so much time into this, on top of everything else for which he is responsible.

Blessings!

More writing

Well, I just spent the last hour writing more for Hidden Heroes. It is starting to be a tad less difficult to write now that I have some structure. :)

I wrote more on the intro about where this whole concept came from. I know that the Lord placed this burden, this deep, deep concern on my heart for our wonderful military families. As I have pondered this more, He has shown me that some of it was birthed in my own experiences as a young girl when my dad shipped out to Thailand during the Vietnam War. As I have spent time remembering that and talking with my mom about it, I have realized how deeply it affected me.

As I spend time researching and talking with military families, I am so humbled to write this book. I don't know if I can fully express my heart, but I know it is not of me. Everyone I speak to, military or not, writer or not, leaps at the idea. Every response I have gathered has caused me to cry. It touches something so deep within me, causing me to be so grateful to these courageous families. And I long to shout from the rooftops of the depth of their sacrifice and love for our country. I want the nation to stop for just a moment and say thank you. Which honestly seems too small.

The other night my husband and I watched a movie, "We Were Soldiers," which came out a few years ago. We had borrowed it from our nephew several months ago and had been waiting to watch it. We knew we needed to be in the right place to watch it since we had heard it was intense. And it was intense. But the intensity for me wasn't the battles, which I confess to blocking with my hands most of the time. It was how the Army colonel and his wife took ownership of their troops and families. By ownership, I mean that they felt responsible. They took the burden of caring for them. That is the message I feel led to write: how can we as individuals reach out and care for military families around us?

That is why I wept from the beginning of the movie until after the final credits. I wept for the incredible loss of life. I wept for the wives and children who paid the high price. I wept for a nation that was and is unprepared, and at times unwilling, to acknowledge their sacrifices so that we can be free. Isn't it ironic that the ones who pay so high a price are the ones we sometimes choose to ignore because seeing them shakes our comfortable world? Anyway, enough preaching!

As for the writing, I also took the responses I have received to the questionnaire thus far and plugged the answers into the proper chapters. Next I will look at expanding those into full stories as I talk further with these ladies. I have several more contacts to pursue so I am off to follow up on those.

Blessings.

Sounding board

I just got off a phone call with a dear, dear sister. She has no idea how vital she is in my life. She is a sounding board for me. Especially in writing the book, but in every area of life. We talk of our families, of how teenagers are, of what the Lord is doing in our hearts, of the calling on our lives. As I talk with her, I am reminded so much of God's goodness. I am reminded of how to laugh, how to pray, how to cry, how to intercede, how to carry others' burdens. She is a treasure to me.

Sherre reminds me of the old Girl Scout song (at least that's where I learned it):
Make new friends, but always keep the old, one is silver, and the other's gold.

What that song doesn't allow for is that friends move from being silver to gold. Sherre is definitely gold. As I talk with her about writing the book and she shares more of her story, she encourages me. She spurs me on to remember the vision of this book. She always broadens my vision of how and why God is callling me to write it. I hope everyone has a friend like Sherre in their lives. We all need to have someone who can not only urge us on, but help us to laugh along the journey.

Blessings.

Accomplishments

Well, yesterday I made my focus statement for the book and I outlined chapters. Both are very rough, but they give me a starting place, which is something I have lacked.

I am planning on spending a bit of time starting to plug in responses I have received into the appropriate chapters, even when the stories are just rough answers. That way I have some structure to start with. I definitely do better when I have structure! Now I am off to write.

Blessings!

Dreams

At church on Sunday, someone spoke about dreams that the Lord has placed in our hearts and how we must stay true to them by whatever means we can. He had been encouraging a young lady who has a passion to play violin, but felt she had no time or energy left to do so after working all day. He said start with what you do have; start with five minutes a day. Without distraction or excuses, give those five minutes fully to the Lord. Begin to appropriate that dream, one day at a time, five minutes at a time and see how the Lord will cause that time to blossom and grow until the dream He placed in you is fulfilled.

This resonated with me so much in my writing. Some days I charge ahead; some days I take two steps back. The way to appropriate anything is by making the choice today, right now, to go the way that God is calling me. Right now I have the choice to write or to burrow into the demands of the day.

Right now, I am choosing to write. Maybe not those 1000 words a day I promised myself. But I will write, even if only for five minutes. I am deciding to make small goals instead of large ones. That way I can celebrate and feel I have accomplished something. Today's goal: write a focus statement for the book. A writer buddy suggested this as a way to keep everything on track. So that is the goal today.

Find your wings

In talking with my son the other day, something he said stuck with me. I thought I was doing a pretty good job letting go of my daughter as she gets ready to graduate. As loudly as I protested to him that I was, I realized that "the lady doth protest too much."

There is more letting go I have to do. Funny how I thought I was releasing her just fine, and yet there are some areas I am not. More cutting of heart strings has to be done. She is ready to fly, I must release her more. When our kids were babies, we had to trust those first times we left them. Those times we let them go to their first play dates, kindergarten, sleepovers, field trips, trips with friends, driving, dates, and on and on.

Over and over again there are more places we have to trust the Lord with our children, regardless of their ages. The letting go doesn't stop when they are away at college either. There is more releasing as they make their own decisions that will affect the course of their days and their lives. My prayer is that they always choose life. There is a book I am pulling out to reread, "Give Them Wings," by Carol Kuykendall. It is an excellent book about how to go through the process of children graduating and leaving home. I need reminding of how to let go.

The words to this Mark Harris song echo my heart's cry for each of my children, but especially my daughter right now:

"Find Your Wings"
It's only for a moment you are mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you
Will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I'll pray
For all that you might do
But most of all I'll want to know
You're walking in the truth
And If I never told you
I want you to know
As I watch you grow

Chorus:
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories

Chorus:

It's not living if you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly

Isn't this every parent's prayer? It certainly is mine for all three of my children. I pray daily that they will walk only in the truth. I pray that the Lord will fill their hearts with dreams and the courage to pursue them. That they will have the passion and conviction to follow Him, not out of duty but devotion. I pray their hearts will always know how much He loves them and how much we love them. I may have tears as they take off, but there is no one cheering louder as they fly.

Writing one of Melissa's stories

Today's project is working on one of Melissa's stories. She was gracious enough to fill out my questionnaire about military families. So today I will work on a piece from her responses. I am just writing at this point and not trying to tie things all together yet. I figure that as I write, the links will become more obvious to me.

I also had a thought about getting some more writing "out there." Our newspaper has an online version for each neighborhood which is open to anyone posting stories, etc. I am going to start doing a "mom" blog on it each week and see if maybe they will pick it up for either the print version each week or perhaps the Pikes Peak Parent which is a larger monthly insert across the region.

And I have two more editing projects I have to get off my desk today. Nothing like being busy.

Not much writing today

Just a quick accountability check. Not much writing happened today. Instead I ran from a doctor's appointment for my back, home briefly, to an appointment at the dentist, then to a massage (AHHHH!) and then home again to take care of life here.

My back is one of those things in life that I can either choose to get frustrated about or choose to look up and see how God will get the glory. Basically I have several discs which are compressed. I think the doctor said degenerated. But they are not bad enough to require major intervention, for which I am very grateful. This is what I felt the Lord speaking to me in the midst of waiting for x-ray results.

The part which could be frustrating is that there is nothing the medical community can do, my back will just go into spasms throughout the rest of my life whenever it chooses to do so. I, instead, am choosing to do all that I can (physical therapy, exercise, weight management) so that I can live as fully as possible. And when the Lord allows my back to spasm, I will choose to sit at His feet and rest. While the pain can be difficult to bear at those times, I am finding that whether I am up and going or laid down in a spasm, I can be at peace when I know that all of my days are in His hand.

Now, I hear a hot bath calling me to soak my aching muscles.
Blessings

Writing update and accountability

Well, today's writing consisted of doing my next lesson. The only "fun" part of it was getting to discuss what my book idea is about and who my target audience is.

Yesterday I was working on a piece told to me by a dear friend about a lesson the Lord taught her in the midst of a difficult move. (Sherre if you see this, know that I will be calling you soon for more details!!) He told her to plant flowers. That has stuck with me on so many levels. The Lord wants to beautify our lives, but many times He is asking us to get down in the dirt so the preparation is what it needs to be, otherwise the flowers won't thrive. I like to enjoy flowers and I don't even mind planting them. But I don't particularly like to prepare the soil ahead of time (can you say, manure?) and I don't like weeding. Both of which are necessary for flowers to thrive. And Jesus promised us a life which will thrive. (See John 10:10.)

The Lord required my friend to plant perennials even knowing that as a military wife, she would only get to enjoy them briefly. But how many of us only want to plant when and where we choose and what will bring us pleasure? The lesson Jesus was teaching my dear sister was that it wasn't about her. It was about investing right where she was that day. (Ah, yes, that lesson we have to be taught over and over it seems.) Her story has stuck with me vividly.

I also thought I would post my book idea so if anyone has anymore thoughts along this line or you know someone who is in the military, please send them my way. The book is about America’s unsung heroes: military families.

They are resourceful, tough, adaptable, and resilient. They face day-in and day-out battles to stay strong, to take care of life at home, to fight fears and questions, to keep the home fires burning. They have to be ready to move across country or overseas whenever Uncle Sam orders.

How do these courageous women and men waiting at home fight off the depression, loneliness, fear, and boredom? How do they manage to preserve a relationship not knowing when, and sometimes if, they will see their loved one again? What strength and resourcefulness do they exhibit as they juggle paying bills, nursing sick children, holding down jobs, fixing the leaky toilet all while waiting to hear if their loved one is safe one more day?

These are our unseen, unrecognized warriors. They may not wear the uniform, but they fight to maintain life at home so our soldiers can fight without distractions. The battles these hidden warriors face not only rage while the loved one is away. They may continue even when their soldier returns: He or she may be battle-weary, experiencing post-traumatic stress, or injured. These are the stories of America’s hidden heroes. They are our neighbors, our co-workers, and the parents of our children’s classmates.

In understanding military families and their incredible sacrifices, we can learn to how to support them daily, lending an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, and a heart to rejoice with them.

Blessings!